Monday, August 10, 2009
Rest stop
Michael Yaconelli: "Spiritual growth is not running faster, as in more meetings, more Bible studies, and more prayer meetings. Spiritual growth happens when we slow our activity down. If we want to meet Jesus, we can't do it on the run. If we want to stay on the road of faith, we have to hit the brakes, pull over to a rest area, and stop. Christianity is not about inviting Jesus to speed through life with us; it's about noticing Jesus sitting at the rest stop. While the church earnestly warns Christians to watch for the devil, the devil is sitting in the congregation encouraging everyone to keep busy doing "good things.""
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I am tired. I am worn out. I am burnt out on religion. I am fed up with the bullshit sunday school answers when I didn't ask for it. I know all the right answers. Damnit man! I've been learning them and answering them since I can remember. So, if I know the right answers why do I still ask the questions? It's because the right answers are bullshit answers. Most of them are given to soothe our souls, or to make us shut-up and get in tune with this man-created system called religion. Well, I won't eat it up. I will not give in to this crap anymore. It doesn't work for me. If anything it's actually driving me further away from my God. So stop giving me answers. Stop trying to prove me wrong when I don't even have a freaking view point to start with!! I just need a space where I can ask my questions - all of them - and if you don't say a word, that's fine, maybe even better than trying to feed me bullshit I already know. I need to get this stuff out of my system. I need to say it out loud because it feels like I'm on the verge of imploding. I need to hear it roll of my tongue. I need to ask the same question 10 times because, with some questions, everytime I say it it sounds different and my eyes open just that little bit more. Just shut the fuck up! And listen!!!
ReplyDeleteIf you know what you're doing and you've found the answer that works for you... good for you, really, I mean it. Some people have it figured out, and that's good for them, isn't it? But maybe the answer that's right for them, is not right for me. Or maybe it is, but I just need to bang my head against the wall some more until it sinks in. I don't know. All I know is that I'm tired, and worn out, and burnt out, and fed up, and lost, and wounded, and battered, and angry, and sad, and confused, but I am not ready to give up. I will keep asking my questions, finding out how to learn from Jesus, and what grace really means or maybe what it means to me, until I finally learn from Him the unforced rhythms of grace. I need to not be so angry, I need to rest, I need to stop, and rest, and breathe...
Narfie, thanx for your brutal honesty. We need more voices like your on our journey with doubt and faith.
ReplyDeleteI can relate a lot to your struggle with religion and God believers and faith. This blog, like most blogs I connect with, read, write on, contribute and journey with, tries to be safe space where people from different Christian stories try to figure out where The Way of Jesus got turned into something you so rightly point out as "bullshit". I believe that you can help us to figure this out.
I have to agree with you about "shutting the fuck up". Religious folk seldom do. We love to preach, teach, talk, convert and a whole lot of other things that involves hearing our own voice.
But the art of Listening.
Man that's tricky.
Your comment keep the journey of this blog real. I hope that we can find the grace to stumble upon the "rest" we so desperately need.
God speed.